7 Steps to Feeling Like a Human Again
Breaking the Cycle of being Stuck!
Therapy isn’t always a smooth ride. One minute, you feel like you’ve cracked open a whole new world, and the next, you’re stuck revisiting the same old feelings and patterns. Carl Rogers, one of the founders of Person-Centred Therapy, recognized this too. He noticed that while therapy might feel erratic, most people go through what he identified as Seven Stages of Growth—moving through therapy step by step, often without even realizing it.
Source of this wisdom: Rogers: Seven Stages of Therapeutic Growth Towards Full Functioning, outlined by Merry & Lusty (1993), offers a detailed look at these stages that map the therapeutic journey toward becoming fully functioning individuals. It’s not a straight line, and not everyone gets to the final stage, but real change can happen anywhere along the way.
Stage 1: Walls Up, Emotions Locked.
In this first stage, clients are typically closed off, emotionally rigid, and disconnected from themselves. They tend to see the world in extremes—right vs. wrong, good vs. bad—and emotions are viewed as a weakness, something to avoid. Therapy? Probably not their first choice. They may not see the value in it, and even if they do, it takes a lot of time and trust before they begin to open up. Life feels like a hostile, unfriendly place, and there’s very little space for ambiguity.
Stage 2: Maybe It’s Not All Black and White…
Here, there’s a subtle shift. People begin to loosen the grip on their rigid worldview, but they’re still not taking full responsibility for their emotions or actions. There’s a tendency to feel like a victim of circumstances, blaming others for things that go wrong. Therapy starts to plant seeds, but those old defences are still pretty strong. However, cracks are beginning to show, even if they aren’t fully embraced yet.
Stage 3: "Feelings… They Happen, Right?"
This is where things get a little more interesting. Clients at this stage might start talking more freely, but they still keep a safe distance—speaking in general terms, maybe even in the third person. “You know when someone feels like this…” is a common way to dodge the deeper, more personal stuff. There’s a willingness to talk about feelings, but usually, it’s focused on the past, not what’s happening in the here and now. It’s a safe way to explore emotions without getting too vulnerable.
Stage 4: This Hurts, But I’m Owning It
By stage four, we’re starting to get somewhere. Clients begin to confront deeper emotions, often from the past, but this time, there’s more ownership. They may say things like, “I was really devastated when that happened,” which shows that they are taking responsibility for their emotional experiences. However, the feelings can still be uncomfortable, and there’s a sense of fear around fully embracing them. Patterns start to emerge, and clients begin recognizing them with a mix of humour and self-awareness, even if they’re still hesitant to change.
Stage 5: "I’m Feeling It… Right Now."
Stage five is where the present comes into play. Clients start to express their emotions as they happen, rather than just reflecting on the past. It’s like the defences they’ve built up over the years begin to soften, allowing them to feel more authentically. They’re not just talking about their emotions anymore—they’re feeling them in real-time. There’s a growing confidence in expressing these feelings, even if they’re still figuring out how to fully embrace them. It’s messy but liberating, and this is often when therapy really starts to shift gears.
Stage 6: Everything’s Clicking Into Place.
This is where things get profound. Rogers described this stage as a distinctive and often dramatic shift, where previously suppressed feelings are fully experienced in the present. Clients start to see themselves as a whole—mind, body, emotions, and intellect all aligned. There’s a clarity and congruence that wasn’t there before. They no longer feel fragmented, and the patterns that used to baffle them suddenly make sense. Feelings, once avoided, are now embraced as enriching experiences. The realization hits: emotions don’t need to be feared—they can be a source of insight and growth. The world starts to look different, and there’s a sense of newfound freedom.
Stage 7: I’ve Got This Now.
In the final stage, therapy has done its job—clients are now able to navigate life with a strong internal compass. They trust their emotions, are open to new experiences, and have developed a fluid, ever-evolving relationship with the world around them. At this point, the client might not need therapy anymore because they’ve learned how to manage their own growth and change. Life is no longer about rigid rules and black-and-white thinking. Instead, it’s about living fully in the present and continuing to grow beyond the therapy room.
Rogers’ Seven Stages remind us that therapy isn’t a linear journey. It’s more like a winding path where growth happens at its own pace. Not everyone will reach stage seven, but that doesn’t mean therapy isn’t successful. Sometimes, even a small shift can make a world of difference. The key is creating an environment where each person feels safe enough to take the next step, wherever they are in their journey.
The therapeutic process, as Rogers saw it, is complex but deeply transformative. The key is that therapy meets people where they are, offering a space to explore, grow, and take steps toward self-awareness and personal change at their own pace. Whether a person moves through all seven stages or stops somewhere along the way, meaningful change is always possible. Each stage provides a new layer of understanding, bringing clients closer to becoming fully functioning, emotionally authentic individuals.
Move Through The Stages Of Growth
Now that you’ve identified which stage of growth resonates with where you are right now, it’s time to take actionable steps to keep moving forward. Whether you’re stuck in the early stages or ready to dive into deeper emotional work, these steps will guide you toward meaningful change and progress.
Stage 1: If You’re Feeling Disconnected and Rigid
When you feel cut off from your emotions and stuck in a rigid view of the world, it’s difficult to see the value in therapy or even personal growth. But the first step is to soften that view.
Actionable Step: Start with Small Reflections
Set aside 5-10 minutes each day to reflect on your thoughts and feelings, no matter how uncomfortable it might be.
Journal prompts like "How do I feel about my day?" or "What challenges did I face today?" can help you start connecting with your emotions.
Even acknowledging the discomfort is progress—give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up.
Stage 2: If You’re Struggling with External Blame
If you’re still seeing the world through the lens of "it’s their fault," and it feels hard to take ownership, it’s time to begin shifting that perspective.
Actionable Step: Identify One Area of Responsibility
Choose one situation where things didn’t go as planned and reflect on your role in it. What could you have done differently? Use phrases like “I contributed to this by…” instead of focusing solely on external factors.
This exercise isn’t about blame but rather about regaining a sense of control over your own choices.
Stage 3: If You’re Exploring Emotions at Arm’s Length
You’ve started to talk about emotions, but there’s still a distance. You may speak about feelings from a safe, detached place, which is perfectly normal.
Actionable Step: Move From the Third Person to the First
When talking about emotions, practice shifting from “People feel” or “You feel” to “I feel.” Start small: instead of "You get upset when people don’t listen," try saying, "I feel upset when people don’t listen to me."
This subtle language shift helps bring your emotional experience closer to your real self.
Stage 4: If You’re Starting to Own Your Feelings
You’ve begun to acknowledge your emotions and how past experiences have shaped them, but it’s still uncomfortable.
Actionable Step: Sit with Your Emotions
Take 10 minutes each day to simply sit with a feeling that arises. Whether it’s sadness, frustration, or joy, give yourself time to fully feel it without judgment. Use a timer if needed, and focus on breathing as you allow the feeling to be present.
This practice builds emotional resilience and helps normalize the discomfort of experiencing deep feelings.
Stage 5: If You’re Ready to Express Real-Time Emotions
At this stage, you’re starting to feel more comfortable with expressing emotions in the moment, but there’s still hesitation.
Actionable Step: Practice Emotional Awareness in Conversations
During a conversation, check in with yourself: “What am I feeling right now?” If you feel safe, express that emotion to the other person. “I’m feeling a bit anxious right now” or “I’m excited about what we’re discussing.”
This builds confidence in being present with your emotions as they arise, rather than reflecting on them later.
Stage 6: If You’re Experiencing Full Emotional Release
When you reach this stage, emotions flow more freely, and there’s a sense of integration between mind, body, and feelings. The key here is to stay open and aware.
Actionable Step: Reflect on Emotional Shifts
After an emotional breakthrough, take time to journal or meditate on how this shift impacts your view of yourself. Ask yourself, “What new insight did I gain from experiencing this emotion fully?”
This self-reflection will help solidify the growth you’ve made and give you a clearer sense of how you’ve changed.
Stage 7: If You’re Thriving and Ready for Continuous Growth
By stage seven, you’re feeling more congruent with your emotions and more fluid in how you approach life. Now it’s about maintaining that growth.
Actionable Step: Continue Exploring and Expanding
Regularly challenge yourself to stay open to new experiences and emotions, even when life gets busy or overwhelming. Keep a “Growth Journal,” where you note small victories or new areas you’re exploring emotionally.
This helps you stay committed to continuous growth, even outside the therapy room.
Final Thoughts on Breaking the Cycle
Therapy and personal growth are not about rushing through the stages or hitting some ideal finish line. It’s about moving forward in your own time, taking small steps toward alignment between your real self and your ideal self. Whether you’re just starting to recognize your emotions or already embracing deeper connections with your feelings, each step you take is valuable.
Remember, growth is a lifelong process. By taking these actionable steps, you can break the cycle of stagnation and keep moving toward a more authentic and fulfilled version of yourself.
Your life, Your choice. Free-Spirited Coach Jennifer Taylor here to help you gain the choices within life that you desire. Ready to break down society's pressures and find your own path? Let's do this!
Mental Health Advocate | Domestic Abuse Survivor | Exploring Human Behaviour & Wellbeing | Trauma Informed
coach[koh-ch] noun
A person dedicated to bringing the best out of you by encouraging, inspiring and believing.
info@jenntaylor.co.uk
www.jenntaylor.co.uk
078078 52292